The Emerald City


an email to the Missouri tourism department. yes, I actually sent this. names have been deleted.

Posted in Uncategorized by Scaramouche on 2 December, 2008

To Whom It May Concern:

My name is _____ _______. While perusing your website, I noticed that your slogan — “Close to home. Far from ordinary.” — seemed a bit lacklustre. It did not stand out to me. After some thought, I found a way that I might aid you in this.

You see, I have an idea for a new slogan. I urge you to consider it, as your current one did not attract attention of a potential tourist (namely, myself).

My idea is, “Missouri loves company.”

Should you decide to use it, then it is yours, free of any fee or charge or royalties. All I ask is maybe a mention on the site? But no monetary compensation would be necessary.

If nothing else, I do hope I’ve entertained you. Have a nice day!

Yours,
_____ _______
Ontario, Canada
Potential Tourist.

Advertisements

RAWR

Posted in Uncategorized by Scaramouche on 2 December, 2008

1. Put your iPod on shuffle.
2. For each question, press the next button to get your answer.
3. YOU MUST WRITE THAT SONG NAME DOWN NO MATTER HOW SILLY IT SOUNDS
4. Tag 10 friends who might enjoy doing this as well as the person you got this from.

IF SOMEONE SAYS “IS THIS OKAY” YOU SAY?
The Ordinary Boys — Morrissey

WHAT WOULD BEST DESCRIBE YOUR PERSONALITY?
Like A Rolling Stone — Bob Dylan
[sadly yes.]

WHAT DO YOU LIKE IN A GUY/GIRL?
Alsatian Cousin — Morrissey
[A note upon his desk: “P.S. Bring me home and have me”… So came his reply, “But on the desk is where I want you.”]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE’S PURPOSE?
Bat Out Of Hell — Meat Loaf
[basically.]

WHAT IS YOUR MOTTO?
Time After Time — Cyndi Lauper
[if you’re lost you can look and you will find me.]

WHAT DO YOUR FRIENDS THINK OF YOU?
The World Is Full Of Crashing Bores — Morrissey
[OH WELL THANKS]

WHAT DO YOU THINK ABOUT VERY OFTEN?
Out of Time — Left From Right
[no time to do anything]

WHAT IS 2+2?
Blackbird — Across The Universe
[makes as much sense as anything else…]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR BEST FRIEND?
Sgt. Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band (Reprise) — The Beatles
[totally.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
I Have Forgiven Jesus — Morrissey
[Jesus, do you hate me?]

WHAT IS YOUR LIFE STORY?
Today 4 U — Rent
[aw hellz yeah.]

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO BE WHEN YOU GROW UP?
Get Back — The Beatles
[heeheehee.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK WHEN YOU SEE THE PERSON YOU LIKE?
Naked — Euphoria’s Depression
[Wow, when I finally listen to this song, yes, this is exactly it.]

WHAT DO YOUR PARENTS THINK OF YOU?
Final Scene — Sweeney Todd
[Creepy…]

WHAT WILL YOU DANCE TO AT YOUR WEDDING?
Grizabella — Cats
[Cannot, honestly, see that happening.]

WHAT WILL THEY PLAY AT YOUR FUNERAL?
Returnable Memories — Paku Romi
[While it is awesome, no.]

WHAT IS YOUR HOBBY/INTEREST?
Baby — Tenacious D
[Aww…]

WHAT IS YOUR BIGGEST SECRET?
Lazing On A Sunday Afternoon — Queen
[That is so not a secret.]

WHAT DO YOU THINK OF YOUR FRIENDS?
Thick As A Brick — Jethro Tull
[NO NO NO NO WRONG WRONG WRONG WRONG]

WHAT’S THE WORST THING THAT COULD HAPPEN?
Nightmare — Eve 6
[Trufax.]

HOW WILL YOU DIE?
Octopus’s Garden — The Beatles.
[Drowning.]

WHAT MAKES YOU LAUGH?
Strange Animal — Gowan
[HE IS SO HILARIOUSLY EIGHTIES]

WHAT MAKES YOU CRY?
Two Of Us — The Beatles
[It is the happiest song.]

WILL YOU EVER GET MARRIED?
Maggie May — Rod Stewart
[That, I think, is a no. I’ll just fuck a high school boy.]

WHAT SCARES YOU THE MOST?
Eva — Nightwish
[Death.]

DOES ANYONE LIKE YOU?
The Long Road Back — Hans Zimmer
[maybe?]

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN TIME, WHAT WOULD YOU CHANGE?
Mr Brightside — The Killers
[it was only a kiss.]

WHAT HURTS RIGHT NOW?
In The Land Of The Pig, The Butcher Is King — Meat Loaf
[…?]