The Emerald City


Sweeney Todd: Blood blood blood SINGING blood blood blood.

Posted in Uncategorized by Scaramouche on 31 December, 2007

So, I recently saw Sweeney Todd: The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. Having been a total Sweeney virgin (oo-er), I was going into this movie with a vague understanding of the plot at best.

WARNING. HERE BE SPOILERS. WHILE I WILL NOT SUMMARIZE THE PLOT, I WILL REFER TO SURPRISES IN IT. IF YOU WANT TO GO INTO THIS MOVIE VIRGIN-LY, DON’T READ FURTHER (THOUGH YOU REALLY SHOULD KNOW THE PLOT BY NOW, FFS). SO YEAH. THIS IS YOUR WARNING. SPOILERS TO FOLLOW.

First: THE MUSIC.

Oh my fucking god. It was INDESCRIBABLY WONDERFUL. The overture alone made me crazy. It was in my favourite key (D-minor, kids, remember it) and it was DISSONANT and WONDERFUL and made me DIE of GOOD. And the songs were all so good. Did you know Johnny Depp can sing? I didn’t! He was better than I expected. And his voice meshes beautifully with pretty much everyone else’s, which makes me happy. Also, ALAN RICKMAN AND JOHNNY DEPP DUET. I DIED OF GLORIOUS. And the little boy who played Toby (Ed Sanders) had an amazing voice. He made me think of Oliver Twist, and now I must look him up on IMDb. … IMDb is useless. People are useless. There is nothing to be found of him, but in any case, voice = incredible. Also, the girl they found to play Johanna (Jayne Wisener) has the voice of an angel. I was very pleased that she was an unknown, and thus had relatively little pressure. This was a good starting point for her. It got that amazing voice of hers out in the open.

Admittedly, I was a little disappointed in Helena Bonham Carter. I just don’t like her as an actress, and her voice is too thin for my tastes. I believe she just got the role because she’s boinking the director. (Side note: EW EW EW EW EW.) But she was very good when they were calling for Toby in the sewers – made that pleasant song sound very, VERY creepy. “Nothing’s gonna harm you… not while I’m around…” But Toby made that song so cute. Little skinny drunk thinks he can save lives. ❤

And of course, I must mention. The MULTIPLE SONGS AT THE SAME TIME. “I feel you, Johanna” and then the “And I’ll never see my girl again” and the MASSIVE AMOUNTS OF ORGASM, LET ME SHOW YOU IT. Dear Christ, it was amazing. I almost broke my entire mind. It was that good. And Pretty Women, and Alan Rickman’s voice and the CREEPY BEADLE and the wonderful and BY THE SEA MADE MY LIFE. Because he’s sitting there in a stripey bathing costume and he’s all grouchy and she’s all happy and bouncy and he’s like “grr vengeance murder pie death grrr STRIPEY BATHING COSTUME grr murder death pies Johanna grr YES I’M LISTENING grr revenge Turpin baked into pies death blood razors grr” and utter hilarity. And yes. So good.

And yes, Sacha Baron Cohen sang soprano. Dear God.

Secondly: THE ACTING.

Honestly, I was rather impressed. Johnny Depp was very… subdued. I was surprised. And then he went into the streets and started yelling randomly and saying, “Come in for a shave, you sir, yes sir, you sir, come and see your old pal Sweeney” and I was like WHOOAAA. And Sacha Baron Cohen was NOT Borat! And he ACTUALLY USED AN ENGLISH ACCENT. I was so surprised. It turns out he can talk normally. Who knew? Johnny Depp used his Jack Sparrow accent, too. I was like YAY. Mostly, everyone was really really good. Except Helena Bonham Carter. I don’t… understand her…

Lastly: THE BLOOD.

Holy SHIT, dude. There was a LOT of it. Because… dear GOD. I was honestly amazed. After Pirelli was murdered (which I couldn’t watch, because sweet jesus, death by teapot and also the sound effects were REVOLTING), I was okay with the blood. And I watched the murders. And I laughed. Like an IDIOT. Because it was just so hilarious. Because he was singing and then slitting a throat and then singing some more and slitting another throat and bahahahahahaa. Never laughed harder in my entire life. (Apart from white, powdery Dan, but that’s another story altogether.) So yeah. The only reason I did not emerge from the theatre in total fear and insanity (because there was a LOT of blood in that movie), was because they were SINGING and killing people. It was hilarious. Singing makes everything better.

So, in summation: Sweeney Todd was INCREDIBLE. Bloody, but incredible. Bloody incredible. Hahahahahahahahaha, I am so witty. But yeah, I HIGHLY recommend seeing it. If you’ve already seen it, SEE IT AGAIN. It’s just that good. My one problem with it was that the songs were not catchy at all. I don’t remember a word of any of them. 😦 But it was still great. As Ashley said: “That was fantastic! I don’t remember any of it!”

Good movie. See it. 🙂

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Grow up, take some criticism, stop being such an ass.

Posted in irritation,rants by Scaramouche on 1 December, 2007

Today I’m gonna talk about criticism. This post was inspired by an idiot I know on deviantART who I’ve been fighting with lately. He fancies himself a “poet”. He’s really, really, REALLY bad at writing poetry. I decided to helpfully point out some stuff he should work on (spelling, grammar, punctuation, generally not being such a pretentious twit…), and he flipped out. Got all high-and-mighty. He truly believes he’s better than me, and dismisses my comments as just me being a bitch. (Which, okay, sometimes I am, but mostly I’m just trying to help.)  That bugs me so much, you’ve no idea.

My problem is mostly that he thinks he’s perfect, and that he couldn’t possibly improve. But that is absolute crap and anyone with half a brain knows it. I fancy myself a pretty great singer, but I’m always open to criticism and ways to improve myself. If nothing else, I want to strive for perfection. I can take criticism if it’s legitimately founded, and I know I probably deserve it. This guy can’t seem to take criticism at all. He replies with petty insults (at one point telling me that someone mistook me for a boy the other day [I am a girl]) and totally dismisses me. And at the same time, he demands that I treat him with respect. But why should I treat him with respect when he doesn’t treat me the same?

I have two main pet peeves. One is people using the English language improperly (to quote one of my best friends: “Whenever I see the letter ‘U’ replacing the word ‘you’ I die a little inside!”). The other is people demanding that I treat them well, when they treat me poorly. Both of these are true of this guy.

In reference to the second pet peeve, it’s just pure immaturity that causes it. Grow up! You’re not, in fact, perfect. No one is. The only way you’ll BECOME perfect is if you stop being a douche and accept that YOU MIGHT BE WRONG. Someone else is right, though. And they’re being nice and telling you how to BE right. Just man up and take their advice. It’s that simple.

That said… this guy is still a douche.