The Emerald City


and now, an ACTUAL update :P

Posted in music,rants,relationships by Scaramouche on 29 July, 2007

So, for the past… well, half hour, I’ve been listening to the song “Lips of an Angel” by Hinder. I swear, it’s one of my favourites now. It’s just so nice. I love the lyrics. The guy who sings it sounds a hell of a lot like my Uncle Robert. Which is weird. But it’s fun to sing, and yeah, good song.

I only have one real problem with it. From the lyrics, you can tell that the guy is seriously in love with his ex, and his ex is pretty taken with him too. My question is: Why on earth did they break up in the first place? If they love each other so much now, what was so different then?

I hate that about this sort of thing. If you dated before and it didn’t work out, why do you expect it to be different now? If you’re not compatible, then you’re not compatible. It’s not rocket science. I don’t like that people think that “Oh, THIS time it’ll be different, THIS time I won’t do this, THIS time I’ll try to do that”. If you can somehow do it now, why couldn’t you do it then? Dating an ex is NEVER a good idea. Ever. Don’t try it.  It won’t work out. If it didn’t work then, it won’t work now.

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um… hi!

Posted in blog,confusion by Scaramouche on 29 July, 2007

So, apparently my ex-boyfriend’s mom reads my blog.

Hi there! Sorry for what I did. I was a jerk. But I don’t think he hates me anymore, and I’m still his friend.  Please don’t be mad at me too much.

Childhood Lost — a 5.30 AM realization, inspired by The Little Prince

Posted in change,childhood,life by Scaramouche on 27 July, 2007

I’m not ready to be a grown-up. I’m not willing to give up childhood yet. I want to tame a flower, know the stars, not care about things that matter. I want to play and dance and laugh, and forget that time passes. I want that hour of play – after dinner and before bedtime – that always felt endless. I want to believe that I’ll be the same forever. I want to ignore the world’s problems. I want to fully and honestly believe that I can do anything. I want to say whatever pops into my head without fear of consequence. I want ten minutes’ seclusion in my room to feel like an eternity of torture.

I don’t like being a grown-up. I have this weird thing called responsibility now. It’s confusing and scary to the child in me. I wish life wasn’t so important now. I miss the days when we just lived for fun. When Disney was just funny and pretty and exciting, and we didn’t have to be offended by it in some way. I miss being able to like what I want, without having to worry about what everyone else says. I miss not being peer-pressured into social activism. I miss being able to dream about being rescued by my Prince Charming, my Knight in Shining Armour, without having others say I’m being sexist.

I miss the days when boys had cooties. I miss having slumber parties with girls and playing Truth or Dare, when the dares were innocent things, like, “I dare you to eat grass” or “I dare you to do a somersault”. I miss the days when 10.00 PM was considered “staying up late”. I miss coming home for lunch and watching cartoons while I ate a peanut-butter and banana sandwich my mom made me. I miss recess. I miss being able to run outside and play with a friend; no money needed. No plan. We just met up together in the morning and play until sunset.

I miss it. Where did those days go?

things I write at 6 in the morning after no sleep

Posted in Uncategorized by Scaramouche on 25 July, 2007

Such-A-One and Such-A-One
A Nonsense Poem by Scaramouche

Now Such-A-One and Such-A-One enjoyed a sunny day
And Such-A-One said, “Such-A-One, I do so love our play
But Such-A-One, dear Such-A-One, I only wish you’d see
That Such-A-One, my Such-A-One,I wish you’d marry me!”

Said Such-A-One to Such-A-One, “I cannot marry you!
For Such-A-One, sweet Such-A-One, we’d have nothing to do!
How boring married life would be! How simple, dull, and dry;
I rather think I’d much prefer a pheasant in the eye!”

Then Such-A-One cried, “Such-A-One, how can you be so cruel?
You’ve been this way, O Such-A-One, since we were young in school!”
Then Such-A-One jumped up and snatched his strong and mighty axe,
And killed poor dear sweet Such-A-One with several well-placed hacks.

“Oh Such-A-One, my Such-A-One, why do you lie so still?
You cannot be dead, for I do not wield my axe with skill!”
But Such-A-One lay dead, and Such-A-One called out to me:
“Well this is simply fine; NOW who on Earth will make my tea?”

As you can see, I was inspired largely by Lewis Carroll here. It’s kind of a morbid poem, but I rather like it. Both characters are named Such-A-One, so it’s rather confusing. I’m proud, though. I like this poem.

Dear Grandma:

Posted in death,depression,letters,life by Scaramouche on 24 July, 2007

I miss you. That’s the first thing I have to say. I miss you so much.

It’s just past two on the morning of July 24th. Almost 3 months exactly since you died. (No, I will not say words like passed on, or crossed over. You died. That’s it.)  A lot has changed since you left. I broke up with my boyfriend, Justin, but we’re still best friends. I really wish you could’ve met him. He’s strange, but a real sweetie. I think you’d like my current boyfriend better, though. And I know he would’ve liked you. He’s big and strong and bearded, but behind his tough exterior, he’s a kitten. And he treats me so well, you’d definitely approve of him.

I’m in a musical, did you know that? It’s called Grand Delusions. I don’t like it very much – it’s a really bad musical, and a lot of the guys in it are extremely creepy. Allison’s in it too. I’m really nervous; my part’s small, but I still don’t want to screw it up. Allison has a really huge part, it’s crazy. Of course, most of her lines are “What? WHAT?! … what?” and it’s hilarious.

I have a really bad cold. I keep coughing like crazy, it’s very depressing. I am surviving on Halls, and that’s about it. Admittedly not the HEALTHIEST diet, but they taste excellent. I think I’m kind of addicted, which is bad.

I’m wearing your shoes right now. Barb and Meghan came to visit, and said that I might like them. They’re a bit too big, but I’m wearing them anyway because they remind me of you. Have I mentioned that I miss you a LOT? Because I do. Not a day goes by that I don’t wish you were back, sending me funny emails and encouraging me to keep writing. I loved it when you told me I was good at it. I also got socks from them. Remember they gave you odd socks? Well, I “inherited” them. I love odd socks. They’re weird but also FANTASTIC.

Polly got a tattoo. It is very cute. It’s “the loudest sound”. An exclamation point with three curved lines in front of it. Difficult to describe.

I’m getting better at playing the flute. I got a 96 on my exam piece! I’m also getting better at drawing – I’ve figured out how to draw eyes perfectly

I’m going to try to write to you every month. On the 24th. I think that’s appropriate.

I love you, Grandma. Talk to you again next month.

Love,
Angel.

perfection and forever

Posted in Uncategorized by Scaramouche on 22 July, 2007

There is no such thing as universal perfection. It’s impossible. Well, no… it’s not impossible. But the chances are so incredibly improbable that effectively, they are zero. What is perfect, anyway? How can you define perfect? If perfect means “fulfilling a set of standards”, then perhaps you can be perfect in one aspect, or to one person. But you can never be universally perfect. Never. Because everyone has different standards for different things. You can’t please everyone. It’s not possible. You can’t meet everyone’s standards at once. Example: My perfect partner has blue eyes and black hair. My best friend’s perfect partner has green eyes and red hair. If she found a person with green eyes and red hair, she’d think that person was perfect. But I wouldn’t, because he doesn’t fulfill my standards; he fulfills hers. You see what I mean here? Perfect is not a universal thing. It’s just not possible. No one person can fulfill everyone’s standards at once.

Also! Nothing lasts forever. It’s scientifically impossible. The world will end at some point, and with it, everything else. A relationship can last until one or both partners die, but when that happens, the relationship will have ended. And even if, by some miracle of science, both partners remain alive, at some point the world will end. Then EVERYONE WILL DIE and the many relationships on Earth will end. Because everyone will be dead. So, while the word forever is very romantic and “oh nothing can stop my love for you, wah wah wah”, it doesn’t actually mean anything. Feelings change. People die. THE WORLD ENDS. And so does everything else. And there’s nothing we can do about it.

I realize, now, that I sound like a big downer. But it’s true. This is what I’ve been thinking about for ages. It’s true. I’ve had great experience with the word “forever”, and I know that it never really means what people want it to mean. Never. You can’t just say “forever” and not be lying, because NOTHING. LASTS. FOREVER.

And that’s all I have to say about that.

a love letter

Posted in affection,future,happiness,love,relationships by Scaramouche on 19 July, 2007

I don’t know what I’m doing. I never really have. I thought I knew, once, but I was completely wrong. I thought I was sure about things before, but I always turned out to be wrong. I thought that love would last forever… but I never made it past 6 months with anyone. I’ve hurt and been hurt. I loved, and love ended. I’ve been left behind.

I don’t know much. I willingly admit that. I am one of the stupidest, most childish people ever to grace the earth. I always rush into things. I think that going too far will make me more mature, when in reality it just accentuates how stupid and silly I am.

But then I met you.

Suddenly, I’m feeling things I’ve never felt. I feel safe with you. I feel truly loved with you. I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re what I’ve been dreaming of. You’re everything to me. You helped me through the worst breakup I’ve ever had. You helped me survive. You’ve held me when I was crying, you’ve laughed with me, you’ve cried in front of me. I feel beautiful when I see the way you look at me. Even when you hurt me, I feel good. Because I can see the horror in your eyes when you realize I’m hurt. I say I love you, but those words, those eight letters, are not enough to express the way I feel about you. Words could never describe. Nothing could.

 I don’t want to say “forever”. I’ve said that word before and nothing good has come of it. But… when I’m with you,  I feel like maybe – maybe – this could be it. Finally. Forever.

 

Yeah, I know. It’s silly. But it had to be said. Suck it up and deal.

something awesome

Posted in random by Scaramouche on 12 July, 2007

Okay, so I have these two friends. One of them is really “social activist”, and the other is… not. The social activist, Brendan, was ranting about the movie 300 (KICKASS) and saying he hated it because it was sexist, racist, and homophobic. I told this to my other friend, Justin, and he said, “Let me talk to him.” This is the resulting debate. I for one enjoyed it. Check it out.

JUSTIN: Hallo!

BRENDAN: I’m writing an essay for my upgrade course. =P

JUSTIN: That’s fantastic!

JUSTIN: What’s this about 300 being racist, sexist, and homophobic?

BRENDAN: I just ranted about it ^ ^

JUSTIN: Yes

JUSTIN: You do know 300 took place in a primitive time when people were savage and intolerance, right?

BRENDAN: Well, the sexist part was actually due to casting ^^

BRENDAN: I meant racist

JUSTIN: And that to gloss over that to appease you people who get your panties in a twist at the slightest hint of intolerance would be compromising historical accuracy? Which, yes, is much more important.

BRENDAN: Well, they could have NOT darkened Xerces’s skin quite so much. =P And they used black people to play as “Persians” for parts. I found out that the greeks were pretty well white at the time so there’s nothing to complain about there. Persians were Middle Eastern/Asian/White!

JUSTIN: Middle Eastern people had dark skin and that can be used as a stylistic choice to make one appear exotic or alien, which Xerses was, and also more sinister.

JUSTIN: Since all the men wore very little, they had to have a way of telling them apart

JUSTIN: And since skin was what was shown the most, it makes sense to define light and dark between the two sides.

BRENDAN: …Even though there was a lot of interbreeding between the two cultures. =P And they had a significant difference between garbs? That could have been good enough actually. The Spartans all wore red capes, golden shields, helmets, and nice loincloths that showed off their nice packages ^^ *coughs* Then the Persians had all other kinds of armour. =P

JUSTIN: But viewed from a distance, we don’t have time to pick out those differences. If you make the people themselves distinct, that’s not a problem.

JUSTIN: That way, the people who made the movie wouldn’t have to worry about making the armour too complicated or distinct. They could do whatever they liked.

BRENDAN: Did you see it already? ^^ Did you see the significant differences between armour?

JUSTIN: Nope

JUSTIN: But even if they were difference, it may not always have been like that

BRENDAN: Therefore, you can’t be the judge 🙂 The armour was very distinct.

JUSTIN: Concepts like that change a LOT in development

JUSTIN: I didn’t see any real differences.

JUSTIN: So, it’s not racist. Now, how is it sexist?

BRENDAN: Ladies aren’t portrayed well. They be SEX TOYS! Pfft… During the sex scene at the beginning, you see the wife writh in pleasure, but really don’t see anything of the guy. Camera angles. =P And then in Xerses’ tent, he had lots of female love slaves. That is objectional, but it doesn’t count as sexist. What REALLY irked me was the lesbian kissing. Uh, let’s see, that’s a new thing…

JUSTIN: Uhm… so?

BRENDAN: The whole, “ooooh, two women kisisng is hot” thing is fairly recent. =P

JUSTIN: Dude

JUSTIN: That’s the role women played back then

BRENDAN: It caters to the straight men and doesn’t portray women very well. They aren’t treated like human beings.

JUSTIN: That’s historical accuracy.

JUSTIN: Women weren’t even considered people in those times.

BRENDAN: There’s a difference. They can be sex slaves, fine, but it is historically inaccurate to have lesbian porn.

JUSTIN: What’s wrong with lesbians?

BRENDAN: The fact that they aren’t lesbians. They are fake lesbians who let men in but are called lesbians because straight men think it sounds hotter.

JUSTIN: Indians had their ‘two-spirited’ people, I’m sure it’s not completley unseemly for there to be Persian lesbians.

JUSTIN:  So… women kissing is bad if the girls aren’t exclusively attracted to other women?

BRENDAN: Yes, but it’s a specific device being used to rile up the straight men. Lesbian porn did not exist. =P It is not historically accurate. Sodomy of ANY kind was considered forbidden in the Western world. The Indians were the exception because they had their own cultures away from Europe and Asia. (Well, there’s a bit of gay in China and Japan… But that doesn’t count as it is not Persian)

JUSTIN: Sooo… appealing to the target demographic is a bad thing now?

JUSTIN: So long as it doesn’t appeal to YOU?

BRENDAN: It’s appalling when you are exploiting human beings and treating them as sexual objects. I actually felt sick after the initial *squeal* HOT GUYS! At Toronto Pride who were being used as advertising boards.

JUSTIN: But that’s not exclusive to 300, it’s called sex appeal, it’s EVERYWHERE.

BRENDAN: I know, and I object to it. -_-‘

JUSTIN: Plus, the women consented, so relax.

BRENDAN: I hate how sexualized our nation is. Bimbo with big breasts: Come buy this car for it lets you attract women *sighs and winks*

JUSTIN: I love it. Sex is great, free love is great, sex in society is great.

JUSTIN: You’re just being prudish

BRENDAN: There’s a difference. Sex in the name of love is beautiful. Sex in the name of making money is vile.

BRENDAN: I meant as in using the hormones of the people to attract it to products/services.

JUSTIN: …So? What’s wrong with appealing to someone’s senses to get them to buy something?

BRENDAN: It’s manipulative. People don’t think so clearly when the hormones are running through their minds. It makes them want the product even though it has nothing to do with the person who is selling it. It’s low and a dirty tactic.

BRENDAN: …Only makes sense if you’re selling whores.

JUSTIN: You must be really, REALLY stupid to fall for it, dude.

BRENDAN: That means that a large chunk of the population is stupid 🙂

BRENDAN: It works…

JUSTIN: Okay, the smiley faces? Irritating.

JUSTIN: And, yes, a large chunk of the population IS stupid and thinks with their collective penises

JUSTIN: or vaginas

BRENDAN: Or vaginas for the ladies.

BRENDAN: ^^;

BRENDAN: Yes

JUSTIN: So it’s now bad to want to make money?

BRENDAN: Still, it irritates me all the same. Sex to me is supposed to be beautiful and “holy” in a sense. But these companies defile the concept and make the right winged religious nuts go bonkers and prudish and make our societies prudish with their brainwashings.

BRENDAN: It’s bad to make money through manipulative means. ^^

JUSTIN: But… that’s how you make money. You manipulate people. Resumes are designed to manipulate people into making you look more competent than you are. You have to act appropriately to do the same.

JUSTIN: And sex is just sex. That’s it. It’s not holy.

BRENDAN: To me it is o-o;

JUSTIN: If it was so holy, then you wouldn’t be able to buy it for 10 dollars at street corners.

JUSTIN: And, well, as we’ve established, you’re not terribly bright
 
BRENDAN: Hence why it bugs me. I don’t like how society and everything has cheapened what I consider “holy”.

JUSTIN: Well boo-frikkity-hoo, welcome to the 21st century, holy be damned.

BRENDAN: I know. =P Whores have been around since the dawn of time. But still, I don’t like it. I just don’t act upon it besides in discussions. Whoring isn’t very nice for underaged peoples 😦

JUSTIN: So it’s not sexist, since women were sex slaves back then and lesbians are just Hollywood fodder. What is homophobic about the movie?

BRENDAN: Comment about the Athenians being “weak man lovers” when in history, it was the Athenians and their awsome gay squad who owned a lot of Persians.

JUSTIN: Yeah, but, propaganda is thrown aroudn all the time

JUSTIN: I’m sure Iraqis would call Americans weak to make themselves feel better. Hell, Americans are weak, mentally, some would argue.

BRENDAN: The Greeks tried to train gay people into warriors and had them in partners. They were fiercely protective of their man toys and their friends. Hence what made them effective ^^

BRENDAN: I still hate it. =P

JUSTIN: So… what? You hate it even though it ISN’T actually a homophobic thing to say and is just said to make them feel secure?

BRENDAN: The Spartans weren’t very nice to the Athenians that later SAVED THEIR HIENIES!

JUSTIN: The Spartans were being dicks. They were savage. That’s the point.

BRENDAN: *shrugs* I don’t like it all the same. I complain. A lot. I don’t like mean people 😦

JUSTIN: Well, complaining doesn’t make you smart, or right, or anything. You have called a movie racist, sexist, and homophobic based on little evidence and were shown to be wrong. So next time you want to make a stink about something, please, try to think about it before running your mouth off.

BRENDAN: I’m awful at phrasing things for one o_o; Perhaps my phrasing was incorrect, but there are people who are far more articulate. o_o;

JUSTIN: No, the entire basis for your argument was just retarded.

JUSTIN: Just… try to think these things through. Accusing a movie of being intolerant needs just a bit more evidence.
BRENDAN: …Although I do commend the queen for being awsome in the stabbing of the traitor 🙂

JUSTIN: Stabbing is fun, yeah

BRENDAN: GIRL POWER! =P

JUSTIN: That’s called gender equality, son. Equality.

BRENDAN: Exactly, women can fight back. Therefore, it makes them equal to men. =P

JUSTIN: That’s not ‘girl power’, though =P

BRENDAN: I use the phrase girl power for it is amsuing. And it empowers the females whom are oppressed even though they make up 51% of the population.

JUSTIN: Oppressed women? Where?

SCARAMOUCHE: [please correct your typos. it makes your argument SO much stronger when you spell things right]

JUSTIN: (what typos?_

JUSTIN: (besides that_

JUSTIN: (son of a fuck)

SCARAMOUCHE: [not you]

BRENDAN: In our society? The whole “lesbian” thing, the fact that women get paid less than men STILL. And I’m on Windows Messenger. There is no spell check 🙂

SCARAMOUCHE: You have eyes, don’t you?

JUSTIN: Uhm, women get paid equal to men

BRENDAN: ^^ My spelling is far from perfect.

BRENDAN: Not true ^^ *points at mom*

JUSTIN: Does your mom work overtime?

BRENDAN: No, she’s a teacher. =P

JUSTIN: All those statistics women pull out to say ‘WE ARE PAID LESS’ in order to justify the oppression of men in this modern age fail to make a distinction between men paying overtime and women who don’t

JUSTIN: Men apparently work overtime to get away from their wives or something, that hasn’t yet been researched

BRENDAN: There are actual studies that have shown that women get paid less. Like, they work the same number of hours, but get less. For example, you get $10.00 an hour as a man. A woman is paid $8.50

JUSTIN: All right, show me.

JUSTIN: I have seen much more evidence to the EXACT contrary.

BRENDAN: I don’t have that stuff on me. o_o; I wish I had it though.

BRENDAN: I’m writing an essay at the same time 🙂

JUSTIN: Well, extraordinary claims require extraordinary evidence.

JUSTIN: But just to be sporting, I’ll check

BRENDAN: I’m busy writing. Body paragraph 2. =P

BRENDAN: Due tomorrow for the exam 🙂

JUSTIN: I found one study where women were paid slightly less

JUSTIN: From when? 1996.

JUSTIN: That’s all I’ve found and I’m positive progress was made in 10 years.

JUSTIN: AND, these studies do NOT make distinctions for hours worked, overtime, etc.

JUSTIN: Just how much was earned. That’s it.

BRENDAN: Yes, progress has been made… There is considerably less discrimination. It’s found more in the country/in other countries. But at the same time, women have become more apathetic. Where were the times of women protestors? They’re mostly not around. =P

JUSTIN: The smart women have looked up and said ‘Hey, we’re equal in society, so we should just call it quits then, lest we look like raging cunts!’

JUSTIN: The raging cunts, however, continue to preach ‘girl power’, just like you’re doing.

BRENDAN: And that’s actually what I’m going to be taking in University. 🙂

BRENDAN: And what about women in other countries?

JUSTIN: What about them? Muslim women, you mean? That’s ‘holy’ to them.

JUSTIN: You’re not suggesting we infringe on what these people consider holy, do you?!

BRENDAN: No, I meant like in third world countries. I respect hijabs.

JUSTIN: What about third world countries? You’re not more concerned about several children starving to death every minute or so over there?

BRENDAN: There is much to be concerned about. We each do our part.

JUSTIN: It’s called the heirarchy of human needs. Food, water, shelter and hygiene are first and foremorst. Once those are taken care of, only then can people move on to other needs.

BRENDAN: Safety too?

JUSTIN: Yeah, that

BRENDAN: Women aren’t safe in third world countries ^^

JUSTIN: But when the choice comes down to getting food, or NOT getting food…

JUSTIN: Okay, congratulations, you just rendered your own point null and void.

JUSTIN: You can’t be a feminist when you’re dying of starvation, especially if your only possible source of food is the one oppressing you.

JUSTIN: Hell, I’d swallow my pride and take some male oppression if it meant getting a decent meal once and a while

SCARAMOUCHE: Game, Set, Match: Justin.

JUSTIN: Sweet, where’s my shiny yet impractical belt?

SCARAMOUCHE: It’s in the mail.

a brief rant on musicals

Posted in irritation,music,rants,society by Scaramouche on 4 July, 2007

If you know me, you know that I love musicals. They are awesome and I will always be a big fan. I want to be a star on Broadway someday. That’s how much I love musicals.

However, one of my biggest pet peeves is when people say that a  movie with music in it is a musical. Example: HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.  High School Musical is NOT a musical. High School Musical is a movie with music in it. To be a musical, the production has to conform to just one rule. That’s all I ask. Before you go calling a movie a musical, ask yourself this: “Did it begin on stage?” Let me give you an example. Wicked. It is a musical, because it debuted on stage. High School Musical is not a musical because it began as a movie. Difference.

Now, I realize that you can use this logic to say that The Producers and Spamalot aren’t musicals, because they were movies first. Fair enough, but here is the difference. The original movies that those two were based on DID NOT HAVE MUSIC. The Producers was made in the sixties, I think, and as far as I know had no songs except in the musical-within-a-movie. Spamalot was based off of “Monty Python and the Holy Grail”, and that had no songs. See? Point: proven!

It just bugs me so much when people say that High School Musical is their favourite musical. I want to stab them in the FACE. Because High School Musical is NOT a musical!!

Just had to say that. Sorry. Back to your lives, citizens

(By the way, if you guys have something to say to this post, feel free to start a heated debate in the comments, or even through email. I’d be so happy!)

a moment of ridiculous

Posted in irritation,random,rants by Scaramouche on 1 July, 2007

I was on Myspace, and I saw this bulletin. It was a list of songs or whatever, and this one guy I think was trying to write “Thanks for the Memories”. But what he wrote was “Thnks fr th Mmrs”.

Is this the new Internet Slang? We just remove ALL THE VOWELS? I think I might try that.

“Hll. My nm s ng Mnty. Y klld my fthr. Prpr t d.”
“Stp syng tht!”

Can you really understand that? Wait, let me try again!

“H. My wy. Thnk y, Vzzn. … Whch wy’s my wy?”
“Pck p n f ths rcks, gt bhnd tht bldr. N fw mnts, th Mn n Blck wll cm rnnng rnd tht crnr. Th mnt hs HD cms nt vw, HT T WTH TH RCK!”
“… My wy’s nt vry sprtsmn-lk.”

Hmm… One more try.

“Nw s lng s y’r jst hngng thr, py ttntn. Th nly rls tht rlly mttr r ths. Wht mn cn d, nd wht mn cn’t d. Fr nstnc, y cn ccpt tht yr fthr ws prt nd gd mn, r y cn’t. Bt prt s n yr bld, by, s y’ll hv t sqre wth tht smdy. Nw m fr xmpl: cld lt y drwn. Bt cn’t sl ths shp nt Trtg ll by m nsy, svvy? S. Cn y sl ndr th cmmnd f prt… r cn y nt?”
“Trtg?”
“Trtg.”

Yeah, I’m just not getting it. To me, that looks like gibberish. Well, not really, since I know what it says. But to anyone else, that’s unrecognizable. It’s like wheel of fortune. You can’t put the consonants in first. That’s dumb! Always get the vowels in. Always. It works so much better that way. *sigh* Internet people are stupid.

Would you like the translations? I’ll give you the translations.

1.
“Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to die.”
“Stop saying that!”

2.
“Oh. My way. Thank you, Vizzini. … Which way’s my way?”
“Pick up one of those rocks, get behind that boulder. In a few minutes, the Man in Black will come running around that corner. The minute his HEAD comes into view, HIT IT WITH THE ROCK!”
“… My way’s not very sportsman-like.”

3.
“Now as long as you’re just hanging there, pay attention. The only rules that really matter are these. What a man can do, and what a man can’t do. For instance, you can accept that your father was a pirate and a good man, or you can’t. But pirate is in your blood, boy, so you’ll have to square with that someday. Now me for example: I could let you drown. But I can’t sail this ship into Tortuga all by me onesy, savvy? So. Can you sail under the command of a pirate… or can you not?”
“Tortuga?”
“Tortuga.”