a list

Things About You That I Love:

1. – your hair
2. – your eyes
3. – your fencing ability (hell, just the fact that you fence!)
4. – your smile
5. – your voice
6. – the way you sing along to the radio
7. – the way you hug me
8. – how amazingly nerdy you are
9. – your penchant for odd/brightly coloured socks
10. – your willingness to protect me
11. – your kisses
12. – the way you look at me sometimes
13. – the feeling of your hand on my neck
14. – how totally unique you are
15. – the feeling I get when I think of you; “warm and fuzzy”, basically
16. – the fact that you believe me, and you understand me
17. – your taste in music
18. – how I can be completely miserable and sad and then you show me some random image of of 4chan and instantly make me laugh
19. – THE FACT THAT YOU KNOW PRUFROCK
20. – and that you enjoy other poetry as well
21. – how tall you are (seriously, it’s a huge turn on)
22. – the way you can be confident and assertive when I’m being ridiculous, but somehow manage to not be a dick
23. – how you seem to honestly care about me
24. – the fact that I still don’t know your full name, because you have like FIVE of them
25. – the fact that you inspire me to write long rambling lists of things I love about you
26. – the fact that this list may never really end because I’m constantly finding more about you that I love
27. – the fact that I cannot figure you out for the life of me
28. – your taste in literature
29. – the fact that you GET my obscure references
30. – the way we can quote movies at each other
31. – your utter brilliance, intellectually speaking
32. – the fact that you genuinely seem to enjoy talking to me
33. – AND, that when I told you to ignore me, your response was a succinct “no”
34. – the fact that no matter how miserable I am, or how lonely, talking to you — thinking about you, even — can make me smile

EDIT: 35. – the fact that when I told you about this list, you weren’t creeped out. ^.^

a love letter

I don’t know what I’m doing. I never really have. I thought I knew, once, but I was completely wrong. I thought I was sure about things before, but I always turned out to be wrong. I thought that love would last forever… but I never made it past 6 months with anyone. I’ve hurt and been hurt. I loved, and love ended. I’ve been left behind.

I don’t know much. I willingly admit that. I am one of the stupidest, most childish people ever to grace the earth. I always rush into things. I think that going too far will make me more mature, when in reality it just accentuates how stupid and silly I am.

But then I met you.

Suddenly, I’m feeling things I’ve never felt. I feel safe with you. I feel truly loved with you. I can’t imagine my life without you. You’re what I’ve been dreaming of. You’re everything to me. You helped me through the worst breakup I’ve ever had. You helped me survive. You’ve held me when I was crying, you’ve laughed with me, you’ve cried in front of me. I feel beautiful when I see the way you look at me. Even when you hurt me, I feel good. Because I can see the horror in your eyes when you realize I’m hurt. I say I love you, but those words, those eight letters, are not enough to express the way I feel about you. Words could never describe. Nothing could.

 I don’t want to say “forever”. I’ve said that word before and nothing good has come of it. But… when I’m with you,  I feel like maybe – maybe – this could be it. Finally. Forever.

 

Yeah, I know. It’s silly. But it had to be said. Suck it up and deal.

an explanation and an apology

Sorry I haven’t been posting recently. A lot has been happening. School is a mess. But mostly, the reason I haven’t posted lately is because my grandma’s been sick. Actually… last Tuesday, the 24th of April, she died. Things have been kind of hectic. I’ve been depressed. She was a really big part of my life, and even though I wanted to say something about her, I haven’t been able to.

It was her funeral today. It was a beautiful day. She would’ve loved it. The service was nice, with her favourite hymns. I even played a solo on my flute. The song was “The Last Rose of Summer”. She loved it when I played it for her, and it felt only fitting that I should play it for her then. The acoustics in the church were amazing, and I actually sounded really good. Afterward, so many people thanked me and complimented me. It was the most praise I’ve ever gotten in one day.

She was buried in Greenwood Cemetery, I think. It was a beautiful spot. The funeral procession drove past their house on Cedar Avenue, as she’d requested.

Something interesting happened: When we left the church, I saw this one bird circling around. It followed the funeral procession to the cemetery and watched her being interred, then flew off. It was a hawk, or something that looked like it. Grandma loved birds, and since I believe in reincarnation… I don’t know. But I think that was her. She wanted to see it. She was there. I know it.

So, that’s what’s been happening. Sorry for the lack of updates. I’ll get back on it, guys. I promise. <33 Love you all to bits.